12 Math Knock-Knock Jokes

In a very old Second City skit, a man on hold complained (to no one in particular) about the hold music. After his complaint, a voice on the other end of the line said, “I’m sorry. Don’t you like my singing?”

“Who are you?” he asked, surprised.

“I’m your hold operator. If you don’t like music, I’d be happy to entertain you in some other way. Would you like to hear a joke?” she asked.

“Um… sure, why not?”

“It’s a knock-knock joke,” she said. “Are you familiar with the format?”

Now, that’s just funny!

My favorite joke to tell in the classroom is a knock‑knock joke, so I hope that you are familiar with the format.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrup — ?
Moo!

My sons are now of an age where they can understand jokes, and those of the knock‑knock variety are told daily in our house. (The knock-knock jokes at GRiN are a source of endless amusement.) Sadly, I didn’t know any knock‑knock jokes that are mathy… so I made some up. Here they are, 12 totally original (sort of) but not terribly funny math knock-knock jokes. Aren’t you glad you stopped by today?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lemma.
Lemma who?
Lemma in, it’s raining!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mode.
Mode who?
Mode the lawn. What should I do next?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Slope.
Slope who?
Slope ups should stay on the porch.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Convex.
Convex who?
Convex go to prison!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Prism.
Prism who?
Prism is where convex go!
(Weren’t you paying attention to the previous joke?)

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Origin.
Origin who?
Vodka martini origin fizz?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Zeroes.
Zeroes who?
Zeroes as fast as she can, but the boat doesn’t move.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Unit.
Unit who?
Unit socks; I knit sweaters.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Outlier.
Outlier who?
Outlier! We only let honest people in this house!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Möbius.
Möbius who?
Möbius a big whale!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tangents.
Tangents who?
Tangents spend a lot of time at the beach.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Axis.
Axis who?
Axis for chopping, saw is for cutting.

Questions Needing Answers

Inquiring minds want to know, so here are answers to questions that you’ve surely been pondering.

Q: If one man can wash one stack of dishes in one hour, how many stacks of dishes can four men wash in four hours?
A: None. They’ll all sit down together to watch football.

Q: Why don’t members of the Ku Klux Klan study Calculus?
A: Because they don’t like to integrate.

Q: What did the circle say to the tangent line?
A: “Stop touching me!”

Q: Why did the statistician cross the interstate?
A: To analyze data on the other side of the median.

I Wanna Be Tangent to Your Curves, and Other Math Pick-Up Lines

Need help with chicks at the next math department mixer? Try a few of these…

I wish I were your derivative, so I could lie tangent to your curves.

I memorized the first 300 digits of π. If you gimme a chance, I bet I could memorize the first 7 digits of your phone number, too.

I wish I were your second derivative so I could investigate your concavities.

Hey baby, what’s your sine?

You’re a palindromic set of perfect squares: 36‑25‑36.

You are more fascinating than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.

I = { } when you’re not around.

I don’t like my current girlfriend. Mind if I do a you‑substitution?

Hey, baby… nice asymptote.

You may be out of my range, but I’d love to show you my domain.

I’ll take you to your limit if you show me your end behavior.

My love for you is a monotonically increasing.

I can take you to the limit as x → ∞.

No way! Your name is really Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!

Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.

You’ve got more curves than a triple integral.

Warning: The following pick-up lines contain material that may be unsuitable for minors.

I need a little help with my calculus… can you integrate my natural log?

I wish I were a problem set, because then I’d be really hard, and you’d be doing me on the desk.