## Posts tagged ‘12’

### KenKen 12 Puzzle for 12/12

Today is the twelfth day of the twelfth month, and in honor of the date, here’s a 4 × 4 KenKen puzzle that has 12 as the target number in each cage. The entire puzzle has only four cages, and it only uses addition and multiplication. Have at it!

But a post with just a KenKen puzzle isn’t much of a post, especially on a math jokes blog. So let’s consider some jokes that have to do with the association between 12 and a dozen. The following are some mathematical insults you can use if you’re playing the dozens.

Yo momma is so fat, she’s proof that the universe is expanding exponentially.

The shortest distance between two points is around yo momma’s ass.

Yo momma is so fat, her volume is an improper integral.

Yo momma is so crazy, when she received a can of Pepsi from the vending machine, she started jumping up and down, yelling, “I won! I won!”

Yo momma is so dumb, she thinks convex are inmates locked in a prism.

Yo momma is so infinitely fat, she can eat as much as she wants and not gain any weight.

Yo momma thinks cosine is what she does for a loan.

Yo momma is so dumb, she sleeps with a ruler to keep track of how long she sleeps.

Yo momma is so fat, she took geometry because she heard there was gonna be π.

Yo momma is so fat, the ratio of her circumference to diameter is 4.

Yo momma is so fat, in a love triangle she’d be the hypotenuse.

Yo momma thinks coincide is what you should do when it’s raining.

The integral of your mom is fat plus a constant, where the constant is equal to more fat.

Yo momma is so dumb, she doesn’t know the difference between a doughnut and a coffee cup.

Yo momma is so dumb, she thinks crossing a mosquito and a mountain climber yields |mosquito| × |mountain climber| × sin(θ).

The derivative of yo momma is strictly positive.

Yo momma is so dumb, she serves beer in Klein bottles.

Yo momma is so dumb, she thinks that if two people go into a hotel and three come out, the first two must have pro-created.

Yo momma is so dumb, she can’t even solve a second‑order non‑homogeneous differential equation.

Yo momma is so fat, her dress size requires an exponent.

The limit of yo momma’s ass tends to infinity.

Yo momma is so fat, when she steps on the scale, it displays π without a decimal point.

Yo momma’s muscle-to-fat ratio can only be explained by irrational complex numbers.

Yo momma is so ugly, Pythagoras wouldn’t touch her with a 3-4-5 triangle.

### XII Puzzle

Yesterday, my wife and I celebrated our 12th anniversary. We celebrated at home, with the boys and a home-cooked meal. I created the following puzzle to fill the time between dinner and dessert.

Each of the 12 answers in this puzzle is a 12-letter word that contains the letters X, I, and I, a reference to the Roman numeral XII. Those three letters appear in the proper order, though they may be separated by other letters.

For example, if you were given the clue, “Of or relating to the study of flags,” you would say, “VEXILLOLOGIC,” which consists of 12 letters and has X, I, and I as the third, fourth, and eleventh letters, respectively.

Below are the clues, each presented in two parts. The first part is the real clue, and the second part in italics is a fun addendum specifically for our anniversary.

Enjoy, and good luck!

1. Device for putting out a fire, like the one I needed when mommy set my heart ablaze.
2. Feeling of excitement or elation, like the feeling I had when mommy said, “I do!” (possibly arising from the trepidation that she might not).
3. Insufficient oxygen due to abnormal breathing, which I experience regularly when mommy kisses me.
4. Lowest part of the sternum, which holds in the abdominal diaphragm and prevents me from experiencing asphyxia when mommy is nearby.
5. Someone who takes money or other things through force or threats, which you might call mommy for stealing my heart.
6. State of being so happy (or drunk) as to lose control of your faculties or behavior, which is the state I’ve been in since I fell in love with mommy.
7. Someone who loves and studies words, like mommy and daddy.
8. Serving as an example, like how I serve as a warning to women about why they shouldn’t get married.
9. Someone who studies the adverse effects of chemicals on humans, like the scientist who told me that mommy’s love is as addictive as Vicodin.
10. Torturous, intensely painful, or mentally agonizing, which are three ways that mommy has occasionally described living with me.
11. To increase as much as possible, or the process of trying to find the best option, like the one I used to find the best wife in the world.
12. In the US, a 1 followed by 51 zeroes; in the UK, a 1 followed by 96 zeroes, or how much I love mommy on a scale of 1 to 10.

Having trouble figuring out the answers? Well, I won’t give them to you, but if you search *x*i*i* at www.morewords.com, it’ll return all 666 words that contain X, I, and I in the proper order. That should significantly limit your search. You’ll then need to do a little work to figure out which 12-letter words fit the clues above.

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 12

Oh, good, you’ve arrived! Today is December 23, and below are some jokes to celebrate the Twelfth Day of Crisp Math. But if you’re sad that this glorious holiday is coming to an end, check back tomorrow for something extra special…

If you had 5 apples in one hand and 7 apples in other hand, what would you have?
Very large hands!

Since it is the last day, there should probably be a joke involving large numbers.

Take a positive integer n. No, wait, n is too large; take a positive integer k.

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 11

It’s the Eleventh Day of Crisp Math, the next‑to‑last day of this joyous season. Here’s a joke about being next‑to‑last.

In college, I took a math class with 600 other students, and I got the lowest score on the midterm. The scores were posted on the wall in the math building, and as I was looking at them, the guy who got the second-lowest score was making fun of me. “How’s it feel to have the lowest score?” he asked.

I said, “You really want to know?” The next day, I dropped the course.

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 10

It’s the Tenth Day of Crisp Math, and there are lots of jokes involving the number 10.

How many tents can a campground hold?
Ten, because ten tents make a whole.

The following is for those students who didn’t do much during the fall semester, but who think they can engender some good will by giving a holiday gift to their professors.

A failing student showed up to the math professor’s office with a hundred-dollar bottle of scotch. The professor objected, “I’m sorry, taking a gift from a student would be unethical.”

The student said, “I understand. But what if I sell it to you for \$10?”

The math professor thought for a moment. “At that price, I’ll take a whole case!”

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 9

You’ll go head-over-heels for the joke we’ll use to celebrate the Ninth Day of Crisp Math.

There were 99 people on a boat. The boat flipped over. How many people were left?
66!

This reminds of a joke (as it were) that my mom used to tease me with.

Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?

[Repeat.]

Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?

[Repeat.]

Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 8

For the Eighth Day of Crisp Math, here’s a problem for you. Best of luck solving it before Day 9…

If you choose an answer to this question at random, what is the probability that you will be correct?

A. 25%
B. 50%
C. 60%
D. 25%

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 7

It may be the Seventh Day of Crisp Math, but this waiter wasn’t so lucky.

The waiter could tell the man seated alone at the corner table was a mathematician by his order: “I’ll have the seven‑layer dip as an appetizer. For my entree, prime rib, dim sum, and the three-bean salad. To drink, a root beer, and pi for dessert, please.”

(The 50 napkins he had covered with equations were probably a big hint, too.)

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 6

Ah, the halfway point of the Twelve Days of Crisp Math. On Day 1, I explained why this numerical holiday has 12 days. But you may be wondering why there are Twelve Days of Christmas. The Christian holiday of Epiphany occurs on January 6, and traditional Christmas celebrations lasted from December 25 through January 6, a period of 12 days.

Perhaps more interesting, though, is that the Christmas celebration sometimes lasted all the way to Candlemas. There was a belief that Candlemas could be used to predict the weather:

If Candlemas be fair and bright,
Come, Winter, have another flight;
If Candlemas bring clouds and rain,
Go, Winter, and come not again.

Candlemas is celebrated on February 2, and the poem above explains the traditions that we now observe on Groundhog Day.

This concludes your history lesson for the day. Now, how about a joke for the Sixth Day of Crisp Math?

Two hyperbolas were sitting on a plane.

The first hyperbola says to the other, “I sure wish I could oscillate.”

The second one replies, “Holy cow! A talking hyperbola!”

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 5

Fröhliche Weihnachten! A German joke for the Fifth Day of Crisp Math

What comes between fear and sex?
Fünf!

Speaking of fifths…

Why was 1/5 sent to a counselor?
Because he was two-tenths.

And speaking of fifths again…

Where there are four mathematicians, you’ll surely find a fifth.

The Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks blog is an online extension to the book Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks. The blog contains jokes submitted by readers, new jokes discovered by the author, details about speaking appearances and workshops, and other random bits of information that might be interesting to the strange folks who like math jokes.

## MJ4MF (offline version)

Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks is available from Amazon, Borders, Barnes & Noble, NCTM, Robert D. Reed Publishers, and other purveyors of exceptional literature.