Posts tagged ‘wife’

The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 2

On the Second Day of Crisp Math, we’re hoping that you don’t get ripped off like this guy during the holiday season…

The logician and his wife stayed in a hotel for one night and received a bill for $300. “Three hundred dollars!” he protested. “For what?”

“Room and board,” the hotel manager explained.

“But we didn’t eat here.”

The manager said, “We offer breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the dining room. If you didn’t take advantage of it, that’s your fault.”

The logician handed the manager $100. “Here,” he said. “That’s to cover the room. I’m charging you $200 for sleeping with my wife.”

The manager said, “But I never touched your wife!”

“She was waiting for you in our room. If you didn’t take advantage of it, that’s your fault.”

December 13, 2012 at 12:12 am Leave a comment

A Math Geek Gives Thanks

My life is pretty good. I mean, sure, I wish I were better at Scrabble®, or a little smarter, or a little faster, or a lot better looking. But don’t we all? Overall, I really can’t complain.

For instance, I get to write a blog about math jokes, I get to do math every day for a living, and I know that the proper amount of time t, in minutes, to cook a turkey is given by the formula t = 38 × w2/3, where w is the weight of the turkey in pounds. And all of that is pretty cool.

I’ve not been as happy lately as I probably should be. Thanksgiving seems like the right day to reverse that pattern and recount all the things in life for which a math geek like I should be grateful. Feel free to let me know what you’re grateful for, too.

  • For twin sons who love math almost as much as their daddy
  • For my sons getting so excited that they speak faster than I can possibly understand (especially when they’re excited about math)
  • For a wife who’s willing to tolerate a schlub like me, and who makes it very easy to keep loving her
  • For grocery store tiles of the perfect size, so that your natural stride length perfectly aligns with light and dark squares
  • For the wonderful safety of numbers
  • For getting lost in a challenging problem
  • For going to bed with a challenging problem, and waking up with the solution
  • For MathWorld
  • For cheesy math jokes
  • For people who appreciate cheesy math jokes
  • For good health
  • For Nurikabe
  • For friends who know what a scoober, a thumber and a blade are
  • For Excel®
  • For all of the amazing people at Penn State who are not currently garnering headlines but are doing wonderful things for society
  • For eyesight, to see the mathematical beauty in the world
  • For teachers, and for anyone else who is willing to share their knowledge
  • For disappointment, which reminds me to appreciate all the good things that I already have in my life
  • For cell phones and free long distance
  • For serendipitously changing the channel to a football game with five minutes left when Tim Tebow has the ball
  • For zizzes, and for the word zizz
  • For Scrabble® (and more recently Words with Friends)
  • For finding a parking spot with time still left on the meter
  • For placing the last piece of a puzzle
  • For having a really great original idea
  • For friends who save me six seconds by pulling a beer out of the cooler and tossing it to me rather than walking over and handing it to me; and, for friends who trust that I’ll catch it
  • For clever food names, like the “Muddy Pig” (mini-donut with Nutella and bacon crumbles) at Union Jack Pub in Harrisonburg, VA, or “Devils on Horseback” (chutney-stuffed dates wrapped in bacon)
  • For ordering a beer you’ve never heard of, and finding that it’s your new DOC (drink of choice)
  • For usually making good decisions
  • For having things happen that aren’t all that bad when I’ve made poor decisions

November 24, 2011 at 12:40 am Leave a comment

Husband of the Year

My wife and I are celebrating our seventh anniversary today. The following joke epitomizes our relationship.

My wife and I were comparing notes the other day. “I have a higher IQ, I did better on my SATs, and I make more money than you,” she pointed out.

“That’s all true,” I said, “but if you’re so much smarter than I am, why weren’t you smart enough to marry up?”

I’m a good but not great husband. (My wife would agree with that assessment.) But it’s not my fault. It’s just the way I’m wired. I spend way too much time thinking about numbers and shapes. While listening to her story about a really frustrating colleague she’s been dealing with, I’ll begin to daydream of triangles. Awakened when she asks, “Can you believe that?” I garner no good will when I respond, “Of course not. I mean, who would have thought that the first two Brocard points are isogonal conjugates?”

Still, I’m not as bad as this guy…

A mathematician drives to his colleague’s office early one morning, and they start discussing a problem that he’s been working on. They talk and talk and talk, making good progress. Around noon, the colleague says, “I’m hungry. How about we continue this conversation over lunch?”

They spend a long lunch discussing the problem further. They then return to the office and continue talking. Before they know it, it’s dark outside. The colleague says, “I’m getting hungry again. Should we continue this conversation over dinner?”

The mathematician thinks for a minute. “No,” he says, “I better not. My wife’s waiting in the car.”

Happy anniversary, Nadine. The first seven have been wonderful, and I’m looking forward to the next seventy.

May 16, 2011 at 7:59 am 9 comments

About MJ4MF

The Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks blog is an online extension to the book Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks. The blog contains jokes submitted by readers, new jokes discovered by the author, details about speaking appearances and workshops, and other random bits of information that might be interesting to the strange folks who like math jokes.

MJ4MF (offline version)

Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks is available from Amazon, Borders, Barnes & Noble, NCTM, Robert D. Reed Publishers, and other purveyors of exceptional literature.

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