Posts tagged ‘variable’

Which Calculus Joke is Funniest? Nun of the Above

My friend Pat Flynn, a teacher at Olathe East High School, recently told me about his childhood experience with math education.

Sister Mary Constance only used her ruler to measure pain, not distance.

That’s one of the funniest lines I’ve heard in a long time! Along similar lines…

What do you get if you cross a zero and a pigeon?
A flying none!

Pat is a calculus teacher, and I once heard some students discuss his humor.

When our calculus teacher would tell us a joke, my friend would laugh twice: once when he first heard it, then again when he got it.

Here are some jokes that Pat would surely like his calculus students to suffer through.

What did the calculus teacher ask the dazed and confused student?
“Young man, have you been taking derivatives?”

What’s the difference between a mathematician and a physicist?
A physicist will take the average of the first three terms of a divergent series.

But it’s not just calculus… Pat enjoys making students groan at every level, so here are some all-purpose jokes.

Why did the variable break up with the constant?
The constant was incapable of change.

Did you hear about the bodybuilding mathematician who was always positive?
He had nice abs().

January 13, 2012 at 10:41 am 1 comment

Math Humor of Mike Vecchione

Mike VecchioneI’m not necessarily a fan of comedian Mike Vecchione. His recent Comedy Central special merits only 3.5 stars (out of 5). But he’s a Penn State grad, so that’s worth an extra half‑star, and he included a math bit in his act that cracked me up. I’ve provided an abridged version of the transcript below (it’s abridged so as to keep it PG‑13).

I suspect you’ll be no more amused by the transcript than a blind person would be by a Three Stooges routine. Without inflections and body language, it might not translate well. Still, I think it’s worth a read — but you will probably enjoy the live performance more, if you can tolerate a little off‑color humor.

Without further adieu…

My dog broke a mirror. I freaked out. I was like, “Oh, my God. Is he gonna get 7 years bad luck or 49 years, just because he’s a dog?” I’m not a math guy. I’m not a math guy.

You know what? I shouldn’t say that, because I am good in math. I was good in math, good in English. You know what I was bad in? Algebra. I was bad in algebra — ‘cause I like my letters in words, I like my numbers in problems. I don’t like ‘em mixed.


I can solve problems, just not the way the teacher in algebra wanted me to solve problems. She put the problem on the board: x + 7 = 15. Solve the problem. You want me to solve the problem? I went up, I erased the board. I’m like, “Problem solved, bitch! Let’s get some pizza, and stop playing these games, baby. Let’s do some fractions, take the reciprocal, flip the script. Let’s make that fraction so filthy and improper.”

She just kept putting the problems up on the board. I just kept following her and erasing the problems. Then she yells at me.

I’m like, “Number 1, I like to attack the problem, not the person. That’s the first rule of problem solving. And B, you kinda seem like you’re a trouble maker, because you got to come up with all these fake problems, and it’s really cutting into our pizza time.”

And she’s like, “You can’t list things 1 and then B. It’s 1 and 2, or A and B.”

And I’m like, “Oh, you don’t like it when I mix numbers and letters together? Like you do in algebra, you hypocrite?”

She was trying to teach me: Don’t be afraid of the letters. She’s like, “Don’t be afraid of x. It’s a variable, an unknown. That’s all it is — a variable or an unknown.”

I’m like, “Not to me. To me, X is the rating of a movie that I enjoy watching in the comforts of my own home.”


I got an F in algebra. I took it home. My mom was furious. She’s like, “You failed algebra?” I’m like, “That’s not what that means. That’s a F. It’s a variable, an unknown. We don’t know what F means. It could mean I failed, but it probably just means I’m fantastic.”

April 15, 2011 at 3:25 am Leave a comment

About MJ4MF

The Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks blog is an online extension to the book Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks. The blog contains jokes submitted by readers, new jokes discovered by the author, details about speaking appearances and workshops, and other random bits of information that might be interesting to the strange folks who like math jokes.

MJ4MF (offline version)

Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks is available from Amazon, Borders, Barnes & Noble, NCTM, Robert D. Reed Publishers, and other purveyors of exceptional literature.

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