## Posts tagged ‘God’

### Einstein > π

Yes, today is Pi Day.

Whatever.

More importantly, it’s the 134th anniversary of Albert Einstein’s birth. (Isn’t it remarkable that people who celebrate Pi Day don’t think to add a few candles to the pie and sing Happy Birthday to Big Al?) It’s interesting that 134 shares the same three digits as Einstein’s birth date, 3/14, and 134 also has the following property:

1 + 3 + 4 = 8

8C1 + 8C3 + 8C4 = 134

On his birthday, we can honor Einstein by remembering some of his quotes. One of his most famous is about his math ability.

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics. I can assure you that mine are still greater.

Slightly less well-known is the following quote by Einstein, also about math.

God does not care about our difficulty with numbers. He integrates empirically.

But special for today, the following is a quote not from Eistein, but about Einstein. The quote is attributed to a Japanese cartoonist, Ippei Okamoto, and appeared in Driving Mr. Albert by Michael Paterniti.

He [Einstein] has a quiet way of walking, as if he is afraid of alarming the truth and frightening it away.

A beautful quote for a beautiful mind. Happy Birthday, Mr. Albert!

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 1

Lots of religions and cultures celebrate holidays at this time of year, and most of them last more than just one day.

• Diwali (Hindu)  — 5 days
• Kwanzaa (African-American) — 7 days
• Chanukah (Judaism) — 8 days
• Las Posadas (Latino) — 9 days
• Christmas (Christianity) — 12 days

And while Ramadan isn’t always celebrated in December (it varies quite a bit in the Gregorian calendar; in 2012, it occurred during July and August), it just feels wrong to exclude 23% of the world’s population from this discussion.

• Ramadan (Muslim) — 30 days

Though each holiday lasts a different number of days, on average they last about 12 days:

$\frac{5 + 7 + 8 + 9 + 12 + 30}{6} = \frac{71}{6} = 11.8\overline{3}$

With that in mind, I’ll be posting one math joke a day for the next twelve days to celebrate The Twelve Days of Crisp Math. Consider it my holiday treat to you. And what better date to start than 12/12/12? Just to keep with the theme, today’s joke was posted at 12:12 a.m. (Eastern Time), and each joke during the celebration will be posted at the same time every day.

Granted, math isn’t a religion, but lots of folks treat it like one. In fact, many mathematicians think that they are gods…

Ecologists think they’re biologists;
Biologists think they’re organic chemists;
Organic chemists think they’re physicists;
Physicists think they’re God; and,
God thinks he’s a mathematician.

…or vice versa, I suppose.

Without further adieu, here is the joke for the First Day of Crisp Math.

The failing math student went to the professor’s office to get some help. When he arrived, several students were ahead of him, so he waited patiently for his turn. When he finally went in, he asked his question, and the professor spent the better part of an hour trying various explanations, but nothing worked. The student was clearly frustrated.

“Well,” said the professor. “I suppose after you graduate, you’ll be waiting for me to die so you can spit on my grave.”

“Oh, no,” said the student. “After I graduate, I ain’t never gonna stand in line again!”

### The Book of Tebow

Editor’s Note: The following post is more about (American) football than math, but it does contain some humor (or, perhaps more correctly, it contains material similar to the other material that poses as humor on this blog). Just be forewarned. Read at your own peril.

I fell in love with Denver on a family trip in 1982. My favorite colors as a kid were blue and orange. So I was already a fan of the Denver Broncos when they acquired my favorite college player, John Elway, on May 2, 1983. (Ironically, my wife and I acquired our twin sons on May 2, also, albeit more than two decades later.) On Sunday afternoons growing up, I’d watch my hometown Pittsburgh Steelers at one o’clock, and I’d hope that NBC would show Elway and the Broncos during the late game.

So this whole Tebow thing? Yeah, I feel a little like I’m jumping on a bandwagon. Then again, I’ve been a fan of the Broncos for 28 years, so cut me a little slack.

Plus, it’s just so damned compelling. Any quarterback can win football games, but it takes a rare talent to repeatedly perform miracles. You better believe that I have already set our DVR to record tomorrow’s Broncos-Patriots game.

I also love the hype and the humor. The nickname “God’s Quarterback” seems to have stuck, and this great joke has surfaced:

And on the seventh day, God rested so he could watch his son play quarterback for the Denver Broncos.

A few days ago, a headline in The Christian Post caught my eye:

Tim Tebow God’s QB, But Does God Care About Football?

I have a Speed Bump cartoon on the door to my office suggesting, in fact, that He does:

I look forward to all that will follow. The legend of Tim Tebow continues to grow, and no doubt organized religion will begin to take advantage of the publicity. I suspect a rewrite to the Good Book before too long…

 The Gospel According to Tebow 1 God created Tebow in his own image, in the image of God created He him. And God said unto him, Go forth, and run and score, and replenish hope in the city of Denver: and have dominion over the dolphins of the sea; and over the fowl of the air, over cardinals and eagles and ravens; and over cowboys and redskins and titans; and over every living thing that moveth upon the turf. 2 And lo, He made a great arena, called as the Stadium of the Authority of Sports, which was ten-thousand cubits from the one rim to the other. It was round all about, and a line of thirty-one thousand, four-hundred fifteen and nine-hundred twenty-six thousandths cubits (approximately) did compass it round about. And the incorrect approximation of pi previously appearing in scriptures was thus smote, and it was good. 3 He placed the stadium above the water five-thousand two-hundred eighty feet, providing a wonderful number with which to demonstrate the law of divisibility by eleven. 4 And He bade him, play your best, and do not be discouraged in half the first, or by thine rating of eighty-three-point-four, or by trailing your opponents at the end of quarter third; play well when the end is nigh, and best your enemy after regulation time has expired. 5 Lastly God said unto him: kneel before me, with but one knee upon the earth and a clenched fist upon thine brow, and let photographers take pictures; and all the peoples of the earth shalt imitate thee and post their pictures at www.tebowing.com, thus begetting an international phenomenon. 6 And Tebow did as commanded, and it was good.

### One-Liners

I asked God for a good grade in math class, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I cheated on my test and asked for forgiveness.

If you get depressed when you think about how dumb the average person is… then you’re probably horrified to realize that half the population is even dumber.

Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

People who take a long time computing the ratio of rise to run are slope pokes.

Having gone to school doesn’t make you a teacher any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

I should’ve known things weren’t going to work out with my ex‑wife. After all, I’m an introverted mathematician, and she’s a lying, cheating, good‑for‑nothing whore.

Mathematicians don’t suffer from insanity. They enjoy every minute of it!

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer — oh wait, he does.

The Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks blog is an online extension to the book Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks. The blog contains jokes submitted by readers, new jokes discovered by the author, details about speaking appearances and workshops, and other random bits of information that might be interesting to the strange folks who like math jokes.

## MJ4MF (offline version)

Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks is available from Amazon, Borders, Barnes & Noble, NCTM, Robert D. Reed Publishers, and other purveyors of exceptional literature.