5 (or Maybe 6) More Math Jokes

I asked an actuary to calculate the number of jokes that have been posted on the MJ4MF blog.

He replied immediately and definitively, “1005.”

“Wow, how did you count them so fast?” I asked.

“Well, there are 5 jokes below,” he said, “and about a thousand in the archives.”

The young math professor had not had a paper accepted for publication in almost four years. Feeling a little discouraged, he considered quitting and becoming a fisherman. But he quickly realized that he wouldn’t be able to survive on his net income.

The surgeon asked a heart transplant patient, “What kind of heart would you like to receive?”

“How about one from a statistician,” the patient says. “That way, I’ll know it’s never been used.”

What’s the difference between an actuary and an accountant?
About $50,000.

If you took all of the actuaries in New Jersey and laid them end-to-end on the NJ Turnpike… would anyone care?

Feeling a little hungry, f(x) = x² + 3 walks into a restaurant. “Got any sandwiches?” he asks.

“Sorry,” says the waiter, “we don’t do catering for functions.”