Posts tagged ‘chicken’

6 Degrees of Bad Math Jokes

I once read an article that said, “To a greater or lesser degree, everything tastes like chicken.” Well, that’s true, but it’s also true that everything tastes like broccoli, to a greater or lesser degree. Carrots, to a greater degree; mint chocolate chip ice cream, to a lesser degree.

To a greater or lesser degree, some of the following jokes are funny.

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

Thermometer and Cylinder

A scientist dropped a thermometer and a candle from the roof of a building. He observed that both objects reached the ground at the same time. Conclusion: A thermometer falls at the speed of light.

A doctor walks into a meeting, and a nurse asks why he has a rectal thermometer behind his ear. “Damn,” says the doctor, “some asshole has my pen!”

The star college football player was taking a math exam. The coach desperately needed him for the big game on Saturday, so the professor agreed to an oral exam.

“All right,” said the professor. “How many degrees are in a circle?”

“That depends,” said the boy. “How big is the circle?”

If you’re cold and there’s a right triangle nearby, stand in the corner opposite the hypotenuse. It’s always 90° over there.

The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90°, and try again.

December 27, 2013 at 10:00 pm 1 comment

Most Eggs-Cellent Math Jokes

You may have received the following advice about dividing fractions without thinking about it:

Ours is not to reason why; just invert and multiply.

Similarly, don’t waste your time trying to figure out why I’m posting a bunch of jokes about chickens and eggs. I can’t explain it. Just enjoy them, and please don’t analyze me.

How do you teach math to a chicken?
Show it lots of egg samples!

Why do chickens hate school?
They don’t like eggs-aminations!

Who tells the best math jokes on the farm?
Comedi-hens!

How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
Drop it from seven feet!

Why did the chicken go to school?
To get an egg-ucation!

Why do chicken coops have only two doors?
Because if they had four doors, they’d be sedans!

And a joke about the smartest chicken I know…

A chicken walks into a bar. “I’d like a burger and a beer,” he says to the bartender.

“Oh, my God!” the bartender says. “You can talk!”

“Well, look at that,” the chicken replies. “Your ears work!”

“But, you’re a chicken!” the bartender says.

“Ah, I see your eyes work, too,” the chicken says. “Now, can I have my burger and beer?”

“Certainly,” the bartender says. “Sorry about that. It’s just not every day that I see a talking chicken. What are you doing around here?”

“I’m working at the university,” the chicken says. He goes on to explain that he’s helping a professor with research on representation theory and integrable systems, but the bartender clearly has no idea what he’s talking about. So, the chicken enjoys his burger and beer and leaves.

A little while later, the owner of the circus comes into the bar. The bartender says, “You’re the owner of the circus, right? Well, have I got an act for you! I know this chicken who talks, reads, and drinks beer!”

“Sounds great!” says the circus owner. “Have him give me a call.”

The next day, the chicken returns to the bar. The bartender explains that he thinks he can get the chicken a great job at the circus.

“The circus?” asks the chicken. “You mean the place with the big tent, animals, lion tamers and trapeze artists?”

“Yeah!” says the bartender. “The owner would love to hire you!”

“Why?” asks the chicken. “What use would he have for an algebraist?”

May 24, 2011 at 12:38 pm 2 comments


About MJ4MF

The Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks blog is an online extension to the book Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks. The blog contains jokes submitted by readers, new jokes discovered by the author, details about speaking appearances and workshops, and other random bits of information that might be interesting to the strange folks who like math jokes.

MJ4MF (offline version)

Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks is available from Amazon, Borders, Barnes & Noble, NCTM, Robert D. Reed Publishers, and other purveyors of exceptional literature.

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