## Posts tagged ‘bank’

### Fortune Bank Teller

One of the radio commercials in the GEICO “Surprising” campaign features a **fortune bank teller** who dispenses both greenbacks and prognostications. The commercial ends with the teller saying,

I see a yellow light serpent… and a low APR.

What you may also find surprising is that this commercial reminds me of my father-in-law, Julian Block, a nationally known tax expert. Julian used to work for a company that connected advisors to people seeking help. An operator would ask a few questions of each caller and then connect the advisee with an appropriate consultant. Sometimes, however, the advisee would be connected to the wrong expert. And the problem? The company specialized in dispensing two types of advice: tax and psychic.

You may now see why the GEICO commercial reminds me of my father-in-law. When calls were incorrectly routed to him, he would become a de facto **psychic tax advisor**. I imagine conversations like the following:

Young Woman: My boyfriend just proposed. Should I marry him?

Julian: That depends. What’s his tax bracket?

These combinations — fortune teller and bank teller; psychic advisor and tax advisor — yield rather whimsical new professions. It made me wonder if there were others. Sadly, an hour of brainstorming yielded only a handful of satisfactory results:

**Super Hero Intendent**, who still has time to fight crime after 8 hours of dealing with stopped-up toilets

**Dog Street Walker**, who thinks the oldest profession is picking up Spot’s poo

**Antique Debt Collector**, who will accept payment in Ming vases and pocket watches

**Switchboard Lottery Operator**, who has a 1-in-500 chance of connecting you to the right person

**Social Construction Worker**, who can strike up a conversation with anyone while shingling a roof

**Foreign Language Flight Instructor**, who will teach you how to land safely after you give her the declension for *agricola*

Got any others you’d add to the list? Post them in the comments.

### Teasing Out Some Math Jokes

Let’s do a quick warm-up before jumping into this post.

A boy leaves his house headed for school, walking at a rate of 4 miles per hour. Ten minutes later, his sister leaves the school headed for home, walking at a rate of 3 miles per hour. Assuming they travel the same route (just in opposite directions), which one will be nearer the school when they meet?

This problem is based on the first puzzle that appears in *Mathematical Teasers* by Julio A. Mira. As best I can tell, this book is out of print, and probably for good reason. Written in 1970, it contains no semblance of political correctness. For instance, the image below appears at the beginning of Chapter 1:

Hmm… a pigtailed coed in a skirt sitting on a desk, tickling the chin of a math professor? There is no doubt an editor in 2013 would prohibit such an image from appearing in a publication; quite honestly, I’m even surprised an editor allowed it 43 years ago.

My copy of this book was obtained when the National Council of Teachers of Mathematics cleaned out their staff library. Inside the front cover, an insert states that it was a review copy “sent with the compliments of Barnes and Noble, Inc.,” and a stamp on the insert reads:

**RECEIVED**

**MAY 26 1970**

**NCTM**

Despite its political incorrectness and outdated contexts, my five-year-old sons have been enjoying the puzzles in the book. But they aren’t just puzzles. Like the warm-up problem above, they are jokes, in the sense that the punch line (answer) is unexpected. The following are a few of my favorites.

- A man with $50 in a bank account withdraws $20, leaving $30. He then withdraws $15, leaving $15. Then $9, leaving $6. And finally $6, leaving $0. The sum of his withdrawals is 20 + 15 + 9 + 6 = $50, as expected, but the sum of the remainders is 30 + 15 + 6 + 0 = $51. Where did the extra dollar come from?
- If it takes 3 minutes to boil an egg, how long will take to boil a dozen eggs?
- How many cubic inches of dirt are in a hole that measures 1 ft. × 1 ft. × 1 ft.?
- A man purchased a pair of shoes that cost $25 and gave the shop owner a $100 bill. After the man left with the shoes and his change, the owner took the $100 bill to the bank, where he was told that it was counterfeit. What was the total loss to the owner?
- Every day, Johnson’s cat would climb 11 feet higher in a tree that is 63 feet tall. But every night, the cat would climb back down 7 feet. How many days would it take her to reach the top of the tree?

No answers will be posted. Y’all can attempt to reach consensus in the Comments section.

### Getting Rich the Hard Way

Ask a silly question, get a silly answer.

Teacher: If you have $4, and you ask your father for another dollar, how much would you have?

Johnny: Four dollars.

Teacher: Young man, you don’t know your addition facts!

Johnny: Ma’am, you don’t know my father!

Johnny’s father and my dad seem to have a lot in common. But my dad would have been proud of me yesterday. While walking home from the local coffee shop, I noticed a corner of a dollar bill on the ground. Not the whole bill, mind you, just a corner that had been ripped off. I thought not much of it, until two feet later I saw another scrap of the dollar bill… then another… and another…

I know and understand Calculus, and I realized that a lot of little things can add up to a lot, so I spent 15 minutes scouring the area for as many pieces of the dollar bill as I could find. I took them home and asked my sons, “Wanna do a puzzle?” We spent a half-hour reconstructing the bill and taping it together. The pictures below show the before and after:

The bill was not in good enough shape to be accepted by a vending machine (too much tape, I suspect, and the missing piece on the right side surely didn’t help, either), but it was in good enough shape for my bank to give me four shiny quarters in exchange for it.

I know that a penny saved is a penny earned. But what is a dollar found?

And the bigger question: What should I do with my new-found wealth?

I decided to buy a lottery ticket. The state gambling commission organized a raffle that boasted an infinite amout of money as the prize. To my great surprise, I won! When I showed up to claim the prize, they told me it would be disbursed as 1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the thrid week, 1/4 dollar the week after that, and so on.

But the joke’s on them. My winnings for the third week will include a one-third cent piece, and that’s gotta be worth something, right?

(Note: Almost everything above is true. I really did find the pieces of a dollar bill on the ground yesterday. As best I can tell, the bill had been on the lawn when it was cut by the blades of a power mower. And my bank really did give me four quarters in exchange for the taped-up, reconstructed version.)