26 Vowel Creatures

“Alex,” I said, “on our walk to the gym tonight, I have a game for you and Eli to play.”

Alex responded, “Daddy, you have a lot of games.”

Yeah, it’s true.

Earlier in the afternoon, I played a game with them that I had created. On a set of index cards I had written animal names, with one catch: All of the vowels were removed. So instead of DOG, the card had DG, and instead of ZEBRA, the card had ZBR. You get the idea.

Before we started playing, I told them an elaborate tale about how I had tried to write animal names on index cards, but the Vowel Thief kept stealing the vowels from me. At the end of my story, Eli asked, “Did he steal all the vowels, or just some of them?” A-ha, the ruse worked! Amazing how easy it is to pull the wool over a four-year-old’s eyes. (As I explained the game, I also mentioned that “it’ll be like reading from the Torah.” Sadly, my best joke of the day, but it fell on the deaf ears of the wrong audience.)

Here’s my list of vowel-less animals, roughly in order from easiest to hardest. Good luck.

• RHNCRS
• CHMPNZ
• RNGTN
• BFFL
• RMDLL
• HDGHG
• CHTH
• PRPS
• KNGR
• RCCN
• GZLL
• GRLL
• GRFF
• DLPHN
• CGR
• WHL
• LLM
• FRRT
• LPRD
• PND
• MNK
• TDPL
• NTTR
• TTR
• GN
• MS

Mathy Animals

Many animals are proficient at math…

• Rabbits, because they multiply.
• Sea anemone, because they divide.
• Snakes, because they can be adders.
• Beavers, because they work with natural logs.
• Flamingoes, because they balance.

What insect is good at math?

An account-ant.

And a joke funny enough to share, even if it’s only pseudo-mathy…

A dog in a front yard is tethered to a sign that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” The man walks up to the dog. “You talk?” he asks.

“Sure do,” the mutt replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The dog looks up and says, “Well, I was adopted by a mathematician when I was just a puppy. Recognizing my gift, he offered my services to the NSA. I would attend meetings with spies and world leaders. None of them expected me to be listening, so they would discuss all kinds of secret plans in front of me. For years, I was one of the country’s most valued spies. I heard a lot of amazing things. In fact, I was privy to many conversations about secret codes, and I co-authored several papers about cryptography. When I retired, I wrote a memoir about all of my adventures, which will be published later this year.”

Just as the dog finishes his story, the owner steps onto the porch. The man, completely amazed by the dog’s story, asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, “Ten dollars.”

The man says, “But, that dog is amazing! Why are you selling him so cheap?”

The owner replies, “Because he’s a frickin’ liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”