## Posts tagged ‘12’

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 4

Did you know that five out of four people have trouble with fractions? Hopefully you won’t have any trouble with this joke on the Fourth Day of Crisp Math

What did the dollar say to four quarters?
You’ve changed!

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 3

It’s December 14, the Third Day of Crisp Math, and students all over the country are hoping for inclement weather.

Teacher: We will have a test tomorrow, rain or shine.
Student: Great! It’s snowing!

I can imagine the conversations that will happen following that test…

Student: Ma’am, I don’t think I deserved a zero on this test!
Teacher: I agree, but it’s the lowest score I’m allowed to give you.

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 2

On the Second Day of Crisp Math, we’re hoping that you don’t get ripped off like this guy during the holiday season…

The logician and his wife stayed in a hotel for one night and received a bill for $300. “Three hundred dollars!” he protested. “For what?” “Room and board,” the hotel manager explained. “But we didn’t eat here.” The manager said, “We offer breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the dining room. If you didn’t take advantage of it, that’s your fault.” The logician handed the manager$100. “Here,” he said. “That’s to cover the room. I’m charging you \$200 for sleeping with my wife.”

The manager said, “But I never touched your wife!”

“She was waiting for you in our room. If you didn’t take advantage of it, that’s your fault.”

### The Twelve Days of Crisp Math – Day 1

Lots of religions and cultures celebrate holidays at this time of year, and most of them last more than just one day.

• Diwali (Hindu)  — 5 days
• Kwanzaa (African-American) — 7 days
• Chanukah (Judaism) — 8 days
• Las Posadas (Latino) — 9 days
• Christmas (Christianity) — 12 days

And while Ramadan isn’t always celebrated in December (it varies quite a bit in the Gregorian calendar; in 2012, it occurred during July and August), it just feels wrong to exclude 23% of the world’s population from this discussion.

• Ramadan (Muslim) — 30 days

Though each holiday lasts a different number of days, on average they last about 12 days:

$\frac{5 + 7 + 8 + 9 + 12 + 30}{6} = \frac{71}{6} = 11.8\overline{3}$

With that in mind, I’ll be posting one math joke a day for the next twelve days to celebrate The Twelve Days of Crisp Math. Consider it my holiday treat to you. And what better date to start than 12/12/12? Just to keep with the theme, today’s joke was posted at 12:12 a.m. (Eastern Time), and each joke during the celebration will be posted at the same time every day.

Granted, math isn’t a religion, but lots of folks treat it like one. In fact, many mathematicians think that they are gods…

Ecologists think they’re biologists;
Biologists think they’re organic chemists;
Organic chemists think they’re physicists;
Physicists think they’re God; and,
God thinks he’s a mathematician.

…or vice versa, I suppose.

Without further adieu, here is the joke for the First Day of Crisp Math.

The failing math student went to the professor’s office to get some help. When he arrived, several students were ahead of him, so he waited patiently for his turn. When he finally went in, he asked his question, and the professor spent the better part of an hour trying various explanations, but nothing worked. The student was clearly frustrated.

“Well,” said the professor. “I suppose after you graduate, you’ll be waiting for me to die so you can spit on my grave.”

“Oh, no,” said the student. “After I graduate, I ain’t never gonna stand in line again!”

### 144 Gross Jokes

Recently, I gave a presentation that contained 288 jokes. But most members of the audience were turned off, claiming it was two gross.

But one guy really liked it. “Your jokes are funny,” he said, “though I don’t think my wife would like your humor. How many off-color jokes do you know?”

“I have a collection of 144 gross jokes,” I told him.

“Wow!” he said. “How did you find the time to collect 20,736 jokes?”

Sorry. Just seems like 12/12 is a good day to be making such jokes.

The word dozen comes from the Old English word doziene, which comes from the Old French word dozaine, which is a derivative of the Latin word duodecim (duo = two, decim = ten).

Warning! Off-color joke approaching!

A man calls his friend and asks, “What has a two-inch penis and hangs down?”

“I dunno,” says his friend.

“A bat,” says the man. “Now, what has a twelve-inch penis and hangs up?”

“I dunno,” says the friend.

Dial tone…

The following is a list of my favorite things that come in groups of 12.

• Signs of the Chinese Zodiac — what’s not to love with dragons, roosters, and pigs?
• Angry Men — sure, it’s a little sexist with an all-male cast, but three of those males were Jack Klugman, Ed Begley and Henry Fonda, and it’s ranked #6 in the IMDB Top 250.
• Donuts — mmm, donuts…
• Eggs — can’t really have a list of dozens that doesn’t include eggs, right?
• Inches in a Foot — how many inches in a nose?
• Labours of Hercules — though I can’t decide which was the best, cleaning shit out of stables or stealing a belt from a woman.
• Players on a Canadian Football Team — in the U.S., it’s 11 players on a 100-yard field; in Canada, it’s 12 players and a 110-yard field; the next country to don a football league must have 13 players on a 120-yard field, to follow the little known but never broken n + 1 players on a 10n-yard field edict.
• Ounces in a Troy Pound — because, really, who needs Avoirdupois?
• Function Keys on a PC Keyboard — F7 is the most-used function key on my laptop, since Shift-F7 lets me synonym search in Word.
• Roses — red if you’re nice, black if you’re naughty.
• Face Cards in a Deck — jacks, queens, and kings.
• Keys on a Phone Keypad — yet only eight have letters associated with them… weird.

## About MJ4MF

The Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks blog is an online extension to the book Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks. The blog contains jokes submitted by readers, new jokes discovered by the author, details about speaking appearances and workshops, and other random bits of information that might be interesting to the strange folks who like math jokes.

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