The Other Golden Ratio

You’re a math geek. I know that to be true, because you’re reading this blog. And I also know that when you hear golden ratio, you think of this:

Or this:

But there’s another, different — and, dare I say, better? — golden ratio that may be even more important to learn. Especially if you’re one of the mathy folks to whom this adage applies:

Wherever you find four mathematicians, you’ll likely find a fifth.

As Homer Simpson says, “It’s funny ’cause it’s true.”

Like many classroom teachers, I’m often ready for a cocktail on Friday afternoons. And like those teachers, I don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it; I don’t want to rummage for a recipe; I just want to relax and have a drink. But, I also don’t want to have the same cocktail every Friday; variety is the spice of life.

So, what’s a boy to do?

Simple. Follow the advice from the folks in the Food Hacks division at Wonder How To, who claim that the following ratio will yield a delicious cocktail every time:

2 : 1 : 1 :: alcohol : sour : sweet

Right now, you’re probably scratching your head and thinking, “Can it really be that simple?”

I’m here to tell you, friends — it is.

For instance, 2 parts tequila, 1 part lime juice, and 1 part triple sec? That’ll get you a tasty margarita.

And 2 parts bourbon, 1 part lemon juice, 1 part simple syrup? None other than a classic whiskey sour.

If you combine 2 parts tequila, 1 part rhubarb liqueur, and 1 part malic acid — it’s what gives green apples their tartness — then you’d be getting close to a drink they call The Scarlet Lantern at Bar Congress in Austin, TX. (They also mix in black cardamom-strawberry shrub. Keep Austin weird, eh?)

Now that you know about the other golden ratio, here’s what you need to do: Organize your liquor cabinet into two parts, hard alcohol and sweet mixers. Then, make sure you keep a couple of sour mixers in your fridge. When you get home on Friday, just grab a bottle from each side of the liquor cabinet and one more from the fridge, pour, and — voila — instant happiness.

Wanna get a little crazy? Find your favorite cube-shaped random number generator, give it three rolls, then choose the appropriate item from each column in the table below.

Die Roll	Alcohol	Sour	Sweet
1	Tequila	Lemon Juice	Simple Syrup
2	Vodka	Lime Juice	Triple Sec
3	Rum	Grapefruit Juice	Cointreau
4	Rye Whiskey	Strawberry Shrub	Gran Marnier
5	Bourbon	Bloody Mary Mix	Honey-Ginger Syrup
6	Mezcal	Dry Cider	Grenadine

Personally, I’m hoping for 6-3-5, which is kind of like a Mezcal Paloma, sort of like a Honey and Smoke, but not really similar enough to be either one. So, I guess I get to name it. And given what I’ve heard about the fat-burning properties of honey and grapefruit juice, I’m going to call this newly minted beverage the Weight Watcher.

Now we just need to come up with names for the other 215 combinations. I’ll get started on that right away… soon as I finish this drink.