## Archive for August 1, 2017

### Just Sayin’

Heidi Lang is one of the amazing teachers at Thomas Jefferson Elementary School. When she’s not challenging my sons with interesting puzzles and problems, she’s entertaining them with jokes that make them think. On her classroom door is a sign titled *Just Sayin’*, under which hangs a variety of puns. Here’s one of them:

Last night, I was wondering why I couldn’t see the sun. Then it dawned on me.

That reminds me of one of my favorite jokes:

I wondered why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Occasionally, one of her puns has a mathematical twist:

Did you know they won’t be making yardsticks any longer?

And this is one of her mathematical puns, though I’ve modified it a bit:

When he picked up a 20‑pound rock and threw it 5,280 feet, well, that was a real milestone.

I so enjoy reading Ms. Lang’s *Just Sayin’* puns that I decided to create some of my own. I suspect I’ll be able to hear you groan…

- He put 3 feet of bouillon in the stockyard.
- When the NFL coach went to the bank, he got his quarterback.
- She put 16 ounces of poodle in the dog pound.
- The accountant thought the pennies were guilty. But how many mills are innocent?
- His wife felt bad when she hit him in the ass with 2⅓ gallons of water, so she gave him a peck on the cheek.
- Does she know that there are 12 eggs in a carton? Sadly, she dozen.
- When his daughter missed the first 1/180 of the circle, he gave her the third degree.
- She caught a fish that weighed 4 ounces and measured 475 nm on the visible spectrum. It was a blue gill.
- When Rod goes to the lake, he uses a stick that is 16.5 feet long. He calls it his fishing rod.
- What is a New York minute times a New York minute? Times Square.
- I wanted to dance after drinking 31 gallons of Budweiser, so I asked the band to play the beer barrel polka.
- The algebra teacher was surprised by the mass when she tried to weigh the ball:
*b*ounces.

And because this post would feel incomplete without it, here’s probably the most famous joke of this ilk:

- In London, a pound of hamburger weighs about a pound.