Can’t Argue with That
My momma always told me:
Don’t break a person’s heart; they only have one. Break their bones; they have 206.
Who can argue with that logic? Here are some other logical statements with which you won’t want to argue, either.
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings.” So, I got her nothing.
I find it strange that my advisor always begins conversations with me by saying, “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”
It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full; either way, there is room for more alcohol.
I only drink twice a year: when it’s my birthday, and when it’s not.
My math teacher just fell in a wishing well. Go figure! I never knew they worked.
My advisor says I’ll never graduate because I’m lazy. But I just can’t take that kind of criticism. I was going to kill myself… but the gun’s, like, way over there.
Don’t judge a book by its cover… my math book has a picture of someone enjoying himself.
A grad student told his friend, “My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up behind her and kiss her on the cheek. But according to her lawyer, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend.”
I got a tattoo of Chinese symbols on my arm that reads, “I don’t know. I don’t speak Chinese.” So when someone asks what it says…
Boy: I hate my math professor. He’s a terrible lecturer, he has bad breath, and he laughs at his own jokes.
Girl: Who’s your professor?
Boy: Dr. Jacoby.
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Girl: I’m Dr. Jacoby’s daughter.
Boy: Do you know who I am?