Avoid, On the Whole, Mathematicians

May 12, 2011 at 4:31 am 6 comments

I was recently shown a chapter from Graham Masterson’s book How to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed. The chapter gives suggestions on how to choose a mate, and it includes a list of professions to avoid. At the top of the list, Masterson writes:

Avoid, on the whole, mathematicians…

Of course, I think this advice should be ignored. My reaction, of course, is  an ego defense, since I’m a mathy folk. But it also seems to me that a heterosexual male horror writer should not be trusted when dispensing advice about pleasing men in bed.

As it turns out, math and sex have a lot in common…

  • Explicit discussions of either topic are generally not received well at social events.
  • Historically, men have had control, but recent efforts have tried to get women more involved.
  • People engage prominently in both activities on college campuses.
  • Most people wish they knew more about both subjects.
  • Both activities are typically practiced indoors.
  • Both involve long and hard problems and can produce interesting topology and geometry.
  • Both merit undivided attention, but mathematicians are prone to thinking about one while doing the other.
  • Saint Augustine was hostile to both.
  • Alan Turing took an unusual approach to both.
  • Both typically begin with a lot of hard work and end with a great but brief reward.
  • Professionals are viewed with suspicion, and most of them are underpaid.
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Ear Among Arms Pentagon Flower and Polygonal Jokes

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. blackwatertown  |  May 12, 2011 at 4:39 am

    OK – here’s my maths joke for you.

    Two cats sit on a sloping roof. One is black, the other is white.
    Which falls off first?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Keep going down.
    .
    .
    .
    Remember it’s maths joke.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    And the answer is –
    .
    The one with the least µ – or mu.
    .
    As in µ – the coefficient of friction.
    .
    Mu – mew – geddit?

    Reply
    • 2. venneblock  |  May 12, 2011 at 10:54 am

      Nice! Is this your original joke? Is it correct to say “lowest mu?” Because I think that works better for the double meaning — I think of cat’s meows as being higher and lower, not more and lesser. Whatever… semantics. Nice job!

      Reply
  • 3. Blackwatertown  |  May 12, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    It’s not my original joke. It’s one of the few things I remember from A-level Maths. The boffin teacher was poor at teaching, which is probably why I remember his one joke so well. He said least, so I did.
    It was a startling occasion – the revelation that he had an impish (or indeed any) sense of humour. That was the only time it was on display.
    I don’t think either side – pupils or teacher – did the other much good sadly.
    I’m just happy to have finally, for the first time ever, found an appreciative audience for that joke.

    Reply
    • 4. venneblock  |  May 12, 2011 at 1:17 pm

      Glad you found us. I live to serve!

      Reply
  • 5. xander  |  May 12, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    I’m not sure if I have shared this here before or not, so… uh… stop me if you’ve heard this one:

    A lawyer, a doctor, and a mathematician are out at a bar or having dinner or some such, and engaged in some pleasant conversation. For whatever reason, the lawyer starts complaining about his most recent mistress, to which the doctor replies, “You know, you should just get married. Having a wife is a wonderful thing. She’s always there for you, she can take care of you when you are sick, and it has been shown that married people live longer.”

    “Are you crazy, man?” the lawyer responds, “Getting married is a horrible idea! When a woman that I am seeing grows tired of me, or I of her, we can simply part ways. There’s no alimony to worry about, no nasty divorces, and she has no stake in my property! Why would I ever get married?”

    The mathematician takes it all in, but then answers with, “You are both wrong. It is far better to have both a wife and a mistress. You can tell your wife that you are with your mistress, and tell your mistress that you are with your wife. Then you can head into the office and get some work done!”

    Reply
  • 6. unknown  |  January 12, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    i dont get it :S and i do maths and physics… and own a cat

    Reply

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About MJ4MF

The Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks blog is an online extension to the book Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks. The blog contains jokes submitted by readers, new jokes discovered by the author, details about speaking appearances and workshops, and other random bits of information that might be interesting to the strange folks who like math jokes.

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