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A mathematician was arrested for murder and was sent to trial by jury. At the trial, he pled guilty, yet the jury still returned a verdict of “innocent.”

“How on Earth did you reach that verdict?” asked the judge. “For God’s sake, he pled guilty!”

“You don’t know him like we do, your honor,” said the foreman of the jury. “Several of us were students in his classes, and you can’t believe a word out of his mouth!”

(Of course, everyone knows that a mathematician is often wrong but seldom in doubt.)

Later, the same mathematician was arrested for grand larceny. He and an assistant professor were working together to steal funds from the department budget. As the mastermind of the crime, the mathematician was sentenced to 25 years in jail. The assistant professor was sentenced to 20 years. When the two of them were taken to their cell at the state penitentiary, the mathematician said to the assistant, “You take the bunk nearer the door, since you’ll be released sooner.”