I asked God for a good grade in math class, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I cheated on my test and asked for forgiveness.
If you get depressed when you think about how dumb the average person is… then you’re probably horrified to realize that half the population is even dumber.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
People who take a long time computing the ratio of rise to run are slope pokes.
Having gone to school doesn’t make you a teacher any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I should’ve known things weren’t going to work out with my ex‑wife. After all, I’m an introverted mathematician, and she’s a lying, cheating, good‑for‑nothing whore.
Mathematicians don’t suffer from insanity. They enjoy every minute of it!
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer — oh wait, he does.