Conversation with a Statistician

Yesterday, I ran into a friend who’s a statistician. When I asked, “How’s your husband?” she responded, “Compared to whom?”

We chatted for a while, and she updated me on some recent research. Among the recent discoveries that she shared…

• Birthdays and cigarettes both improve health. Recent research has shown that people who celebrate the most birthdays live longest, and smokers are less likely to die of age-related illnesses.
• A team of researchers has discovered that marriage is the leading cause of divorce. There is a signficant correlation between those who get married and those who get divorced. It is also well known that 50% of marriages end in divorce… which means that if you don’t file for divorce, your wife will.
• It was recently discovered that 83.638867% of statistics have an unjustified level of precision, and 78.46% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

She also relayed this recent incident at the Census Bureau.

Checking some questionnaires, a census clerk was amazed to note that one of them listed 121 in the space for “Age of Mother, if Living” and 125 in the space for “Age of Father, if Living.”

Incredulously, the clerk said to the survey taker, “Both of your parents are alive and over 120 years old?”

“Well, no,” replied the survey taker, “but they would be — if living!”

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